Try Not or Do

My friend Cassidy sent me a link to an article in The Atlantic that bemoans the lack of advice columns for men and writes in her own subtle way… “Stupid pukes.”  She tells me I should write an advice column and I responded “I do, it’s just that no one reads it.”  Whereupon she retorts “Pussy. You should read your own book.” (Cassidy is a Marine... enough said.) And I would have been well within my rights to tell her to STFU because she can't possibly understand anything about me and...

But she’s right. One of my growth edges is clearly self-promotion. The skill set that allows me to sit for hours, lost in my head and typing away is not functionally useful when it comes to marketing, in finding an agent, in arranging speaking dates, in reaching out. This stuff makes me uncomfortable and as I’ve had the temerity to write and advise others, if it makes you uncomfortable it’s probably something you should be doing.

So I am. I just spoke at a function at my high school alma mater and I am promoting my new book, based in part upon HTSYMbBABM and my work with Imago and divorce mediation, A Road Less Traveled, a reader’s companionto a good divorce. It's a good book. It's getting good reviews, and in all honesty you should buy it from me via e-mail and not Amazon because that way I make a decent profit and Amazon already has enough money.

So, rather than temporizing by saying “I’m going to try to market my work.” I am focusing on saying simply “I am self-promoting.”

Which is just as hard as shifting from saying “I’m trying not to be angry and violent around my family” to “I am not going to be that man anymore.” The former allows for and perhaps even invites failure, the latter is a powerful statement of intent. So remember that when you are speaking to your beloved.

Promising to try is not a promise at all.

 

Or to put it on a level we can al identify with... there is no try