'Sugarbabe' favors negotiated infidelity

CNN has an article and video on a new, presumably nascent hot, memoir "Sugarbabe" that holds the premise that couples in sexless marriages should negotiate approved sexual encounters outside of the marriage.

I think she may sell more books than me. There are a lot of guys who'd like to hear just that.

One of the constant complaints I hear from men is that their wives refuse, or are at best reluctant, to engage in sex. This is hard for them because many of these men equate the act of sex with a show of love and affection, and regardless of whether they have a pressing biological need that can not be self-remedied, the denial hurts, and since it hurts it is difficult for them not to take it as a personal insult, a judgment, a betrayal.

And often times this pain is the basis for the end of the marriage, often times it is the justification for an affair.

In her interview on CNN Ms. Hill, not her real name, posits "I think that cheating men are normal," says Hill. "Monogamous men are heroes. Monogamy does have a place in relationships, but not on the long-term. Men are hard-wired to betray women on the long-term."

So she suggests that rather than letting your dog escape your yard undetected, that you walk that bad boy on a leash

“Hill is referring to her idea of "negotiated infidelity." That shouldn't be confused with an open relationship, which to Hill "has no rules." Nor does it imply that it's necessary that a wife allow her husband to hop into bed with whomever he chooses -- unless of course she's OK with that."

This is sort of life imitating art… on Curb Your Enthusiasm Larry Davd’s wife gave him a guilt free sexual encounter with the woman on his choice for their tenth anniversary. He wasn’t ever was able to capitalize on the gift, but I know the marriage didn’t work out, and I can’t imagine that adding the dynamic of asking your wife’s (or husband, she says this works both ways) for permission to jump Pretty Pauline’s bones is going to foster a caring and committed relationship.

This recipe has only one ingredient: disaster. But it will sell. I don't think it's going to be a stocking stuffer, but it will sell.

The problem I have with Ms. Hill’s philosophy is that it doesn’t encourage self-growth. It relies on the premise that men are hardwired this way and it cannot be changed, so why try, why not encourage it? Go with the flow.

I doubt very seriously that she would apply the same philosophy to men’s atavistic inclination towards violence, but if she were to pen a memoir that suggested men should beat their wives, I am sure she’d find a demographic full of willing buyers.

Ma Carrie, a wonderful old woman said to me, “God gives you the face you are born with but you create the one you die with.” I think the sentiment has been roughly attributed to Shakespeare, but I don’t think Ma Carrie read much 16th century English literature. The same applies to our growth as men. We have our atavistic hardwiring, and we can go through life justifying bad behavior by saying That’s the way I was built to run, but the man who learns to identify and control the base instincts is the man who is living in a fuller and more rewarding relationship.

My demographic of willing buyers are those who want to become better men, husbands and fathers. If that's you, you can click on the "buy now" button on the right.